Milked by the Yeti
by Moctezuma Johnson
Yes, I’ll write this piece online so you can see the slow, stupid process I am stuck with thanks to brain damage, deafness, and incessant masturbation. I’m trying to learn to outline stories. This idea was really just a joke. I have made some very low-budget author and book trailers recently and liked saying “From the Producers of Milked by the Yeti” and other fine books. The problem was, of course, that there was no MILKED BY THE YETI as much as there should have been. Callie Press, my number one partner in crime, and I kept joking about the yeti and kept saying we should really write it. So yesterday, I decided “I’m going to write it.” I’ll write it in pieces, and publish each one when they are ready to go: one per day until completed. Then, I’m going to nominate Callie Press to do the same.
Outline (of the part i have written / the rest will be published in a separate post)
- a girl with pale milky skin and massive knockers is in a fur jacket and stockings and heels wandering the pine forests
- where is she? Oregon? the Himalayas? The Alps? Mount Titicaca? Oh, and why is she there?
- she’s exposed and scared, and cold
- she crawls into a cave warmth and meets the Yeti
- he’s massive
- and utterly irrestible:
- those eyes!
- that fur!
- COME BACK AND SEE WHAT’S IN STORE FOR LENA AND THE YETI TOMORROW!
MILKED BY THE YETI
It was minus seven degrees out but Lena still looked sexy in her fur jacket pulled tight over her little Russian face, her short red skirt, her stockings, and her boots. She was brought here a few weeks ago as the entertainment for a bunch of mountain climbers who were on a retreat plus adrenaline junkie trip. Lena somehow got left behind during the worst of the blizzard. All of the guys had already had their dicks sucked and their hands full of her enormous tits so they were no longer looking her and forget her when they piled into the bus and made their way back down the mountain and into a more temperate part of the white, snowy country. Lena was exposed. She was scared. She was cold.
She kept crawling forward trying to find her way into a cave or something. She needed to get out of the wind. She grew up in the Ukraine so she could handle the cold as long as it didn’t give her hypothermia. She knew the wind was the enemy. The more it swirled around her the wetter and colder she felt. She was exposed. She was scared.
She was very cold.
She could hear the snowy wind. She trudged in the snow. Her boots were good. They were given to her by her ex-husband before he left her for her best friend, Natasha. She asked him why and he said it was because her pussy got wetter than Lena’s pussy did. He said he’d miss her tits. Natasha’s weren’t nearly as large. They weren’t the eggplants that Lena had. Nobody’s were. These tits were remarkable. They made men want to climb mountains and drive buses. Unfortunately, after blowjobs and bukkakes they made men sleep and the men’s dreams brought them new ideas and they forget all about Lena’s beautiful pair of titties.
Lena found herself abandoned on this snowy mountain dressed like a big-titted Russian prostitute. She started to cry. She was cold.
She found a little stand of trees. The trees were white. They were packed hard with snow. She was so cold that her nipples were rock hard and had formed little icicles. The wind wasn’t so bad under the tree. She cried and cursed her ex-husband and Natasha. She cursed her big tits. She cursed even the fucking cunt snow. Blat!
She stopped crying and noticed that there was a little opening between the trees. It was the mouth of a cave. It couldn’t be. Sweet lord of cunts, she thought. This can’t fucking be! She walked inside and found that sure enough it was a cave, blocked from the horrible elements by that little patch of trees. The trees were like the bush and the cave was like the slit. She was so happy to be inside. It wasn’t warm by any means, but it would take enough of the cold away that she might stay alive for a little bit.
She sat on the ground and rested her head on the back wall. It was comfortable. It wasn’t hard. In fact, the wall was soft and warm as a shag carpet. She remembered christmas and fireplaces and champagne and caviar and being kissed while rolling around the shag carpet. Ah, the domestic joy. All that was gone now, but at least she could survive the night and maybe even sleep enough to get some strength and get herself off this damn mountain tomorrow. If felt like the wall was moving. The shag carpet was moving. It was alive. She jumped up and so did the shag carpet. It was a white, hairy beast nearly twice her size. Think King Kong but polar bear white. The only thing not white was the beasts eyes, which were black with a redish tint.
“What…What…What are you?” Lena said.
The beast growled.
“You’re the fucking Yeti, aren’t you?”
She couldn’t believe her luck. This went from the ridiculous to the sublime. She was going to die on this mountain until she found a safe cave but no she had to find the cave that housed the abominable snowman. Of all the fucking caves in the world.
The Yeti growled and she noticed that he had an enormous cock the size of her ex-husband’s arm and Yeti-balls the size of Natasha’s breasts.
“Go on then,” Lena said to the Yeti. “Just rip me to shreds and get on with it. I’ve been as good as dead for months now.”
The Yeti did not rip her to shreds. Instead, he sat down and patted a bit of cold earth besides him.
Those eyes. They were mesmerizing. They were like cold black marbles, but it was as if the sun was behind them leaking out like an eclipse. There was this antumbra of red encompassing the black of the eye. It was marvelous.
“Those eyes,” Lena said. She stood and stared.
The Yeti growled again. He pat his hand on the earth again.
Lena heeded his gestures and sat beside him. He put his arms around her and she was warm. All that fur! It was heaven after being left in the freezing cold by a bunch of greedy 30-year-old men.
Before long, Lena closed her eyes and fell asleep in the Yeti’s big, warm arms.
She fell asleep quite peacefully. She didn’t wake up so nicely.