Some Marketing Basics for Smutpunk Writers

If you’re like me, you don’t know shit. Well, maybe you know a thing or two here and there, but nothing of any real value. Here is some marketing shit for us to remember, writers.

1. Blogspot is really good for getting your photos to show in google images.

So, don’t waste this resource and title you photos intelligently. Don’t title them, photo 1, when you could write “monster erotica” and get a nice, phat, ju05icy keyword to rank up high on the search engines.

But, MJ, how do you know what keywords rank high? That’s a good question and perhaps needs it’s own blog post. There are ways to find this information out, some free and some paid. I will talk more about this later.

2. WordPress is better for blogging.

WordPress simply shows up better! Google seems to like wordpress more than blogspot and a lot of other sites even though Google owns blogspot. Go figure! I like others more than myself, maybe it’s as simple as that for the G-folks. Are they self-deprecating geniuses, too?

I want to rank high for “jizz sharing poem” because some fans just keep typing that in to find me. LOL. I love my fans. These are the awesome minds that type in Medieval FUTA Jizz Hunting and Yeti Violates Mountain. These are my peeps! I aim to make them happy. The most popular keyword to find Moctezuma Johnson is Funny Porno Erotica, as of 2016. Who knows what 2017 will bring. Last year it was How to Get Anal. I am making progress.

Any of you can help by linking to my blog not with the words Moctezuma Johnson but with this phrase exactly, “Moctezuma ‘Jizz Sharing Poem‘ Johnson“. That will help me own this exact search phrase. Each one of your links will boost me up. Hear that Callie, Ashlee, Reed, et all. I’m game for using any keywords you’d like some help mastering. Just say the word and I’ll link to you with any keywords you like. This is called backlinking and we all need backlinks to that google knows people look at our sites and respect them.

3. An author platform is essentially useless.

You probably want your readers (customers) to go to the spot where they are most likely to spend money. That’s probably Amazon, although that could vary a bit case by case. You could be like me and have very little interest in monetizing your writing. I just want to make enough to allow me to keep writing. I’m not trying to be the next E.L. whatever-her-name-is. Most of your sales are probably coming from Amazon (or other retailers) so devote most of your energy to getting eyeballs there.

4. I was wrong. Get an author platform—you need it!—but use it wisely.

Okay, so what I mean is that your sales are likely going to come from Amazon, so why bother wasting 80% of your time making sure the images on your site come up in the right spot and that your links are working and all the other tiny little nagging infinite tedium of running your own platform? Well, because it’s yours. Alibaba or Walmart may eat Amazon or Trump may destroy Bezos since he thinks his Washington Post journalists are scum or there may be a great big Amazon famine where the river runs dry or whatever cataclysmic black swan literary-pulp event. If you have your own shit,

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Wait, MJ! How can I get Amazon Customers to communicate with me if Zon doesn’t share their contact info with me?

you will be prepared. If facebook, twitter, and Amazon went dark tomorrow I suggest you be ready.

How can I ready myself?

Make sure you have your customer’s info. On my site, where I sell books directly to customers, I collect their email addresses (at least). Via FaceBooty and Tweetfaced I ask people to join my mailing list (in exchange for freebies or poems written about people who piss them off, etc) that way I can reach them without the middlewoman midwife with blood all over her hands of social media. I am the middleman in this case, in suit, looking gorgeous, and it empowers me. It lets me post what I want (I like porn. Sometimes I like Asian architecture or Traditional Mayan Dress, but I hate being told what I can and can’t post and I’m sick of them freezing my juju in their lockouts, jails, and dungeons. I am the dungeon. I am the Juju. On my site I soar like the Eagle Warrior I am. I so what I want when I want of varying degrees of nice to nasty). You can do this, too. Use a free site like Mail Chimp to start a mailing list. This is easy. Once you have emails, you can send emails. You can automate this and spam the pants off your list or you can email them one by one like I do every single time somebody joins my site. I find this starts conversations with a lot of people and this is where the fun is at.

Additionally, I suggest you build you own site, but building your own site can be a bit daunting if you’re not code-savvy. Sites like wix, blogspot, wordpress, and others make it way easier and you can still have a pretty little eNiche to call home. The key is to take matters into your own hands. There’s no place like Amazon for the sheer marketing reach they possess. I love them dearly. But I wish I knew who was buying my books through them so I could say thanks and offer them discounts on my next one. I can’t. Amazon doesn’t open open their message API to authors (they do for sellers, but that’s not the point of this post so shush!). Wait, MJ! How can I get Amazon Customers to communicate with me if Zon doesn’t share their contact info with me? That’s the question, isn’t it? Since you can’t know who is buying your books, the next best thing is using social media to connect with people who like your genre and lead them to your mailing list. This will open the lines of communication. And the real platinum trick is to put a “Join My Mailing List for a Free Book” plea in your book(s) for sale on Amazon. The person is reading your book, if they like it there’s a good chance they will join because they have come to trust you and want to know what more you have to say.

Conclusion

Indie writers have to be jack of all trades which is a real pain in the ass. If you feel overwhelmed, send me an email (I’m assuming you’ve already joined my mailing list and have my contact info) and I will gladly give you some coaching (just put “Coach Me, MJ!” in the subject. I’m thinking of starting a Private Indie Writers Help Group. I haven’t yet, so my help it totally gratis, but I think it would be wise to charge for this wisdom that will definitely help you reach your goals.

$.

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About Me:

Click the pulsing dildo book cover to read a free book. Please join the mailing list, link above in Aztec Red, to stay in contact with me. Email me any time. I respond. I love chatting. I want to get to know more and more writers.

See the whole list of my smutpunk erotica. Yes, I’m probably the one who coined the phrase and spread it to the world.

Stalk me: on Facebook, on Twitter, on Pinterest, on Tumblr (NSFW), On My Site

You will be rewarded for stalking me with good karma and freebies. Thanks^^

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Peek-a-Boo!

 

Pssst! Over here, yeah. Before you leave, if you have twitter, PRESS THIS.

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